Love yourself through the Fear...

Part of my journey is to always remember that I am to be in service to others. I was told that my soul purpose is to help other women on their healing journey, to share tools, tips and guidance that had been shared with me through my decades of therapy and various healing teachings.

As part of that I've recently been compelled to put myself out there physically. Now putting my face out to the world even in private photographs has previously filled me with a lot of fear and judgement. I would get so upset when someone deigned to post a photo of me without my approval. No matter if I was looking so happy, in the moment with people I love. Because all I could see and think is that I look too fat, I'm so ashamed, I look so old now...you get the picture.

But part of my soul journey is to continue to push myself out of my comfort zone. I won't lie - I don't like it. Genuinely. Do. Not. Like. It. I used to fight it until I could no longer ignore it, and that's when the Universe would generally smack me up side the head so that I had no choice but to make the change. And it would make me so mad that I 'had' to change. I didn't see the good in it, just the 'bad'. I carried so much anger and frustration that just compounded the older I got. (I'm glad I can honestly say that, through a TONNE of therapy and healing, this behaviour is no longer my default! Though I do still have my moments lol )

But that's a story for another day. Because today is the story of me NOW - and she's who matters to me most. I've been learning to love myself to the point where I don't care what others think I look like, what they think of the sound of my voice, and whether they think what I am saying/doing is valid. To love myself through the fear. And part of that is to put myself out there even more. Put a face to my name. Put out my healing videos that include my face, and using my voice for healing sounds and speaking. Eek!

So yesterday I posted a video of myself speaking on Instagram and Facebook. It genuinely freaked me out so much that I had extreme nausea and an upset stomach all morning, then spent the rest of the day back in bed, exhausted. I know I was in fact crippled by the fear of backlash, judgements, being laughed at. But I also knew that each time I put myself out there in this way, I may still have some dark days, old fears may get triggered for healing yet another layer, but that it would get become easier each time, until I no longer thought twice about it. Until I love myself to know that no matter what, I am ok. And I am safe.

So I'm proud of myself for feeling that absolute terror and doing it anyway. I'm proud of myself for loving myself through yesterday's pain and terror, without judgement. And I'm proud of the person I'm becoming more of each and every day. I still don't know what or who that will be, but I have high hopes when not so long ago I truly had none.

Is there something you're holding yourself back from doing? Are you trying to shame yourself into changing? I challenge you to instead love yourself into the change, into the person you want to be. It's the only way through and you will truly thank yourself for it.

I wish you Peace,

Patricia.